After what seemed like eternity, she disclosed to me that one of her suitors was married and the other was engaged to be married. I could tell from her countenance that the issues she had with both of them were resolvable if they were patient enough. She agreed with me and admitted she still felt something deep for one of them but there was nothing she could do about it.
And I asked her “Would you like to become a second wife?” Her blank gaze was enough for me to come to the conclusion that she is not ready to share her man with anyone. A lot of women share the same sentiment as my cousin. Most women don’t want to be ‘the other woman’. It was far more acceptable in the past for an African man to have more than one wife (Both my paternal and maternal grandfathers had three each) but not anymore.
Today, it is has become increasingly difficult for women to share their husbands. No little girl grows up with a dream of becoming a second wife. Even the ones who are compelled to, certainly don’t share them in equal halves. So it got me thinking, why is it so difficult for a single girl to marry a married man?
First and foremost, it takes a single woman with plenty of guts to fall in love with a married man. However, the game becomes more dangerous when she decides to marry him. This is because there is a tendency for the relationship to go out of hand.
A single woman decides to become a second wife to a wealthy man in spite of the abject horror of the polygamous arrangement. I am assuming you already know that love was the least on her agenda. No single woman no matter how crazy she is becomes a second wife just because of love. My people would say, if you must eat a toad, you must eat one laden with eggs.
The first wife is not always a fool. So, the second wife should have no business acting like an angel and hoping that everything will fall in place. The first lady will most certainly declare a total war on you for invading her territory. She knows you are on a mission and she will stop at nothing to make it impossible.
A second wife should not attempt to measure up to the first wife. It can be quite a challenge but obsessing over the woman that was there before you can be unhealthy and will only cause more problems for you. Also, the insecurity created by the man taking a second wife causes the first wife to harbour resentment which is then transferred to her children.
A second wife is solely responsible for her future and that of her children if she is lucky to have any. Her children’s need comes after that of the children of the first wife and the husband’s finances are never equally divided between the two wives
Another problem faced by a second wife is the way she is perceived at family gatherings where you and the first wife may have to battle for popularity. In reality the second wife has to be willing to win the family members over by making some concessions.
Terrible things can happen to second wives. Any second wife who is not equipped for the battle will end up playing the fool. It is sometimes better when they even have the support of the in-laws. In the absence of such reinforcement, she is pitted against the first wife, the in-laws, the husband and the mistresses (Yes, you are not the last mistress standing) to mention but a few. Surprise, surprise! Life is not just you and your husband.
You can blame the first wife for not keeping the husband happy enough or blame the second wife for trapping the innocent man when she knew he was already married. However you look at it, it is difficult to justify whether a man needs a second wife in the first place.
#HappiestManInTheWorld
