What made this news more amazing was that the family had come to a consensus that I was their right man for the job. I wish they knew better. Here is one thing about me for starters; I am still studying for my first degree in flattering don’t know how to flatter people, whether they are dead or alive.
Thinking about how I was going to stand in front of the family and fellow mourners and give a piece of my mind to my Grandmother one last time was exhausting to say the least. Most of my thoughts had to do with how those on the outside of her life perceive things versus how things are viewed from the inside out. I was going to talk about the woman I knew and would care less if it is not the popular opinion.
I remember asking my mother what she wanted me to say, just to gauge her judgment. Apparently she was more concerned about the delivery than the content of my speech, possibly because like everyone else she expects me to say the nicest things about her mother…whether they were true or false. Well, it got me thinking. Why is it that people don’t say anything bad about the dead?
Words are very powerful, and I take that responsibility with a generous amount of discipline even at the risk of offending others. But most times figuring out the truth can be pretty tough and sometimes the truth can be conflicting. There are times I had said something that I later regret, but I refuse to berate myself about it because it captured that particular moment. Sometimes the things we regret saying can help draw attention to something which could have easily been forgotten or at best shoved aside. And it might be something that could trigger a path to redemption.
I do regret quite a lot of things I have said, but I would regret it even more if I didn’t say the truth. Those moments when I think ‘Well, I shouldn’t have said that at all…either because I think in retrospect, that it was not appropriate, or might be misunderstood, or reveals too much info, there is a part of me that questions my own self questioning. Why not just say what needs to be said, whether it’s harsh, or a secret is revealed and it’s you against the world. Why must the truth be subdued when it ultimately brings freedom?
Why are we so obsessed about editing the lives of our friends and loved ones to make it more palatable for public consumption? The more we censor our expression about the dead, the more we are sending a message which negates who they really were. By telling ourselves ‘You can’t say that about the dead’ we are making ourselves feel ashamed about their lives. And this censorship can lead to lying about the dead, which for me is impious. So let us ensure that we live good lives so that we would not be tempting our friends and loved ones to lie about us when we are gone.
So here is what I have decided to do. I will stand before my family, fellow mourners and the entire village and tell them the whole truth and nothing but the truth. In the end she has lived her life and it is left for us to build on her legacy and learn from her mistakes. We all need to free ourselves from this self imposed restriction of saying good things about people even when their life was the opposite. Please do endeavor to speak honestly and most importantly do live an honest life. Honesty is the key.
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