TRIBUTE: THE ANGELS OF CHIBOK

Today marks 100 days since innocent school girls were violently abducted from their school in Chibok, Borno State. Some Nigerians still believe it was a hoax and others are blaming the government for inaction. Well, to every man the right to believe what he wants.

So, here is a poem I wrote for the occasion. The intention is simply to capture the feelings of these innocent school girls who are going through possibly the darkest days of their lives.   

Life is not always the easiest thing to get through

Especially when you are trapped in a dungeon like me

I was only sixteen and I was so innocent

It was the darkest day of my life

They took the entire colour out of my world

It felt like I was dreaming

Then it suddenly turned into a nightmare

Nothing felt real and it scared me

I was too tired to try to run away

They would bring me back

But why am I still here?

I have lost count of the days

And no one has come to look for me

I don’t know if anyone even cares

I might just be here for the rest of my life

All I want to do now is cry my heart out

But there are no more tears left to cry

I remember my mother everyday

She is a strong woman but this will be too much for her

I don’t want my father to see me like this

Because the sad memory will never leave him

I was their only hope

Now they have lost everything

I am frozen in fear, can barely move my body

They are standing over me again tonight

It was the same yesterday, and the day before

They take me however and whenever

Like I am not even human anymore

And they wouldn’t stop until I fainted

There is so much hurt inside

No, wait, I mean Inside inside

Coming from within my thighs

It’s constant, until my blood soaks my dress

My legs are numb and I can barely walk

It’s like my humanity is tainted

I feel horribly messed up

That overwhelming feeling of worthlessness

Am not worthy of any man now

I am not worth anything anymore

My head, my stomach, my body, everything hurts

There is no happiness, no enjoyment, nothing at all

I have been put through unimaginable things

You name it, I have suffered it all

When would this end?

Nothing gives me pleasure anymore

Such a feeling of insignificance and dirtiness

The feelings surge with persistent power

How will I live with this horrendous nightmare?

When I lay down at night I can’t sleep

Am thinking of how terrible the next day will be

The only guarantee is that I will suffer again and again

Until the day my heart stops beating, hopefully

There is no day since I got here that I have not wanted to die

I keep waking up every morning and I don’t know why

I have begged, pleaded and yelled at God to take me

Why can’t I just die in my sleep?

I have almost lost the will to live

It’s as if nothing I could ever do would bring me joy

Nothing matters, everything hurts, especially the darkness

But I am too afraid to take my own life

At least that’s how I feel at the moment

Although my mind tells me otherwise 

I didn’t choose this kind of life

Am just an unfortunate victim

It could have been anyone

All I wanted was a better life

Something my parents never had

Now my pleasant dreams are fading away

I thought I always know how things would be

How things would all turn out for me

I have always had high hopes

But this feeling of hopelessness is unrelenting

They have taken away almost everything

The creator is all I have now

I have given him all that is left of me

At least, then I will die for something

Please #BringBackOurGirls alive and now