THE LOVERHOLIC X-RAYS: RELATIONSHIP APPRAISALS

How do you determine if you are fulfilled in a relationship? Do you even evaluate your relationship, or you just let it flow? What standards do you consider when evaluating your relationship? Are you living in denial of the true state of your relationship? How do you decide when to stay or when to move on? Are you wasting your relationship by being in a relationship? These questions may sound a bit too serious but studies show that couples who conduct a regular appraisal of their relationship are far more fulfilled.

Last week I went to see a very good friend of mine. Our previous meeting had being on Valentine’s Day this year and it was quite memorable. She is one of the few women who hold a special place in my heart. And one of the few people who would look me in the eyes and tell me the truth, even when it hurts. Something the loverholic cherishes in his women and in people overall. She is also very caring, intelligent, devoted and full of humour; all being qualities the loverholic admires greatly.

She belonged to the hollandis category of wife material, and by a lot of yards. This is a fact she always takes into account in her relationships. Which is why she became uneasy when she perceived I was taking our relationship for granted. Things have been going up and down lately and she wanted us to meet and appraise the relationship. To be honest, this was the first time I would hear of a relationship appraisal. I was quite familiar with performance appraisals at work but not in relationships.
According to the Cambridge dictionary, to appraise is to examine someone or something in order to judge their qualities, success, or needs. A relationship appraisal is primarily aimed at highlighting the value of your relationship, ensuring that the right standard is being maintained and identifying the areas where there is need for improvement.

At the beginning of every relationship, there are expectations from both parties that underline the purpose of the relationship. Relationships suffer each time these expectations are somehow betrayed. It is very important for both parties to perfectly understand what they have signed up for and to clearly state what they intend to achieve on the short and long run. This is where there is usually a big challenge with many relationships these days. People are often very deceitful or uncertain about their ambitions from the start.

For example, if your desire is to get married, it is important for you to check with your partner to establish that they equally share your aspiration. If you just want to have fun, make sure your partner is on the same frequency with you. And if by any chance you want to become more committed, you have to be certain they feel the same way too.

Relationships should be subject to periodic appraisals. And after each appraisal, there should be a benchmark for continuity, probation, promotion or termination. If people know that they will be measured by their performance in relationships, they will become more disciplined and probably put in a lot more effort to make the relationship work. Being romantic is not enough, you deserve to know the true state of your relationship.

In these days of side chicks and social media, you need to be focused before you go from a lover to a loser. Sometimes we are so carried away by being in love that we fail to ask rational questions, make precise observations or take the right decisions. Love is not supposed to make you lose your common sense but is supposed to make you use your sense in an uncommon way.

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