THE SEXOLOGY X-RAYS: MEN ARE VICTIMS TOO

It will seem strange that in the year 2016, our society has not come to terms with the reality that boys and men are sexually molested and abused every single day. All we hear in the media are cases of women and girls who are victims of extreme sexism. So because men are more likely to rape women, they should be ignored when they fall victims?

As a particular gender, our perception of issues concerning the opposite gender is often skewed or selfish. Women are used to believing that sexual abuse affects boys and girls in different ways. That girls suffer more long term emotional damage than boys. Are we not all human beings?

How many times have the social or mainstream media reported a case of a boy or a man that was sexually molested by a girl or a woman? Let’s face it, men face sexual assaults everyday just like the women. But they are often regarded as the stronger gender, so they have to swallow the assault with pride or take it as a man.

In our society, men are less likely to report sexual assaults, rape or abuse because it will be perceived as unmanly or cowardice. The society doesn’t recognize sexual violence against men as severe, women are always the solely recognized victims. Men are often seen as predators and women as victims when in the real sense any gender can be a predator or can be taken as a prey.

The society believes that when a man is raped, he should count himself lucky, and the more women that raped him the luckier. We feel the men can handle themselves and thus need no protection. A man is not allowed to show his emotions as much as the women because it is often perceived as fragility.

We discourage female children to be raised by male caregivers but see no problem in female caregivers raising male children. This delusion that older girls are harmless around male children have led to many little boys been victims of emotional abuse with often severe negative consequences.

I know some friends who were molested as little boys, losing their innocence to females who took advantage of their naivety. These girls or women exploited them by making them believe that their sexual response during the experience meant they were complicit to the abuse. So most times, these young men tell you their stories from a position of strength rather than weakness because they were made to feel like the key actors. 

How about sexual abuse in the workplace? When your female colleague consciously taps your butt or rubs your chest indiscriminately, you are expected to rejoice and be glad or in the very least just laugh and walk away. But when you do the same, it will be you against the world. I have never heard of a case of a man who was molested by a female colleague in the office. Does it mean women don't abuse their colleagues at the workplace?

We need to understand that men are very emotional too. And because men are sexually aroused during abuse doesn't mean they enjoy been molested. It is important to understand that men unlike most women can get sexually aroused even when the experience is painful. The society should be able to accord men the same respect that they give the women.

We can establish institutions and mechanisms that will work towards prosecuting women who abuse young boys and helping the boys overcome the mental bondage. Let us discourage sexual abuse and molestation against men as much as we do for the women. After all men sef na victims.