HOW TO PREVENT "ACQUIRED BOYFRIEND SNATCHING SYNDROME"

I want to first thank God for the grace he has granted to me and all the beautiful people around me. Our topic for today is something I find very interesting but somehow most girls don’t pay so much attention to it. Every girl I know wants to settle down with the greatest man that ever lived but you will all agree with me it’s not a walk in the park. There are few men to go round (Population of women are more than that of men) and there are even fewer good men around these days. So we all scramble for the small fraction and apparently the “boyfriend snatching syndrome” sets in.

So here are a few tips on how you can keep your man once you have finally found him and go to sleep without fear that he will be a victim of the Acquired Boyfriend Snatching Syndrome.

Engage Him Before He Gets You Engage.
Let’s face it; I know how important physical attraction and chemistry can be to a relationship. But trust me it’s not the most significant thing when it comes to long term relationships. You must be intelligent, witty, and engaging. If I know men very well, when you have poor communication skills, they will eventually get fed up. Women who truly captures their attention, gets them excited when they see her or just talk to her on the phone is one worth keeping.

He Trusts You, But Wants You To Still Make Him A Little Jealous. Men can brag about not being jealous about their girlfriends but in fact it shows they care about you. A little bit of jealousy is not bad for business. Men like the thought that they have to work hard to keep you, and they love it when other men throw themselves all over for their woman’s attention. At the same time, they don't want you to in reality cheat on them. They just like the idea that you are desired, but that they are all you want.

Don't Find Pleasure In Petty Arguments. In a healthy relationship, two people should be able to work out their differences by engaging in a mature conversation. This does not mean digging up past sins or dwelling on minor incidences that you have been stock piling and waiting for an opportunity to make an impact. Don’t throw the past in his face or use his mistakes against him, especially if you have already forgiven him.

You Must Have Similar Views For The Future

The future is far ahead and sometimes it’s hard to imagine, but it’s still there. It’s important to understand where both of you see yourselves and more importantly your relationship. Does he want to be engaged within a year? Does he to build a mansion before walking you down the aisle? These thoughts will always be on his mind and don’t think he will forget all about it and that your relationship will go from coast to coast without these issues sinking the ship. The future of your life cannot be dictated by someone else, but it can be affected by them – and working together to find what makes you both happy in the long run, is key.

Family And Friends Matter Sometimes you don’t care how your boyfriend’s family perceives you because you feel that you are not going to be living under the same roof. Maybe you don't care what they think of you but believe me life will be easier when his family and friends are just as in love with you as much as he is. The closer you are to his mother and siblings, the closer you are to the finish line.

Let Him Be Comfortable With You In Any Situation 
When you are in a relationship, you cannot always be with your partner all the time. It’s very important to your man that your man can leave you to the gents in a social event and expect you to be just fine by the time he gets back. You should know how you to handle pressure and manage the situation around you so well that your man can be comfortable dashing off on a trip with confidence that you won’t screw up. I necessarily do not mean being unfaithful to him but taking charge of whatever situation you find yourself.

Have A Sense of Humour No Matter No Matter How Little 
Just like women, men too love to have a good laugh once in a while. It eases the pressure that their roles as providers often place on them. This is so important. Having someone without a sense of humour can be sometimes tormenting. If he makes you laugh, you too should reciprocate every now and then.

Ginger Your Man Like There is No Tomorrow

You should be one of; if not the first person he would share exciting news with. Do you often get excited about what he has accomplished, even if they are things you are not particularly interested in? You should always encourage him to chase his dreams and aspirations. When you do that, he is stuck on you forever.

You Are The Sunshine On His Gloomy Day
Does he wake up every morning and you are the first thing on his mind? Does seeing your chat pop up on his phone during a rough day at work make him forget about all of his worries? Does being with you take him into his own world where nothing else matters? If your answers to these questions were positive; then you better hire a wedding planner fast.

Put Some Effort, It's Not Too Much For Him
I am all about giving in relationships. Personally, I love to give and do things for my girlfriend. Seeing her happy makes me happy – and I believe if two people both feel that way in a relationship, it will be a success. Putting your effort doesn’t have to be much. It can be something as simple as buying his groceries so he doesn’t have to eat outside or sitting by his side while he watches his favourite football team.

You Can Be Together Through Thick And Thin
Relationships are not always rosy. Things can get really tough, times can be extremely hard, and we all need a support system. Are you always there for him when he needs you? If a man’s support is not reciprocated by his woman, then the more likely he is to go in search of someone who understands the importance of your feelings. A man expects his girlfriend to be his best friend, someone he can laugh and cry with. Men place more value on women who are there for them no matter the condition.

You Must Turn His Life Around Not Upside Down
A few months after he met you, he got a promotion at work. Things start to fall in place. You help him get stuffs organized around the house. Then he gets a new car. He stops eating outside and his debt profile starts reducing. You make him a better person and he embraces the things of God. His vision becomes clearer because you are stimulating him intellectually. He starts dressing like a man and not a boy. His value appreciates gradually and his confidence increases. Girlfriend you are so going nowhere!

Miss Independent Can Do Wrong 
A woman that can handle her business all by herself without having to always bother the man is somebody you can rely on. It’s a huge motivation for men and they will gladly give you their unwavering support and guide you to achieving greater excellence. If I know men very well, they give more when you don’t demand it from them.

You Constantly Got His Back It means so much to any man to know that his partner is always on his your corner cheering him all the way. When men feel supported, it makes a world of difference to them and they owe it to you to be in theirs forever.

Always Be Honest Even When It Hurts
No man will want to do away with a woman who tells them the truth just like it is. Someone who cares for you wants to you succeed will help you, even if it means telling you the bitter truth. I am not talking about nagging (that is totally wrong). I mean someone who keeps it real when it’s needed. You play devil's advocate and give him honest feedbacks. They might be mad at first, but they will appreciate you later and certainly keep you.

Keep Seeking Attention at Your Own Detriment Girls, who are always looking for attention or to be noticed, are often insecure and are looking to be overcompensated. Men give more compliments to women who don’t yearn for it. They see it that you are likely more concerned about your own happiness, than you would be about theirs. Girls who are content with their own self confidence and don’t look elsewhere for validation, shine from within and will add more value to a man. The last thing any man wants is sorry looking girl who is just seeking something anyone else can give her. This doesn’t provide any sort of foundation for a rock solid relationship.

Both of You Should Always Be On The Same Page 
In my experience, timing and location can impact relationships more than just about anything else. Do you want more than he is willing to provide? Are you emotionally stable? Do you just want something casual and not too committing? Are you interested in having kids and raising them as a stay at home mum? Are you over spiritual? A lot of these questions can be deal-breakers, and the more you have in common the better it is on the long run.

Make Him Feel Like A Real Man Men love to always feel in charge all the time and when you can constantly make him feel that you are devoted to him, he will definitely keep you. Consequently, it is important for you to be in a relationship with somebody you don't frequently overshadow. Even the average gentlemanly jolly shy fellow likes to feel like a real man sometimes.

Finally, it’s no secret that sometimes the spark wears off of longer term relationships, but you shouldn’t let it and neither should he. If you continue to do what attracted him in the first place, it shows you care about him keeping you around. So when people ask him why he loves you, he can't think of any words to describe it. He can only list all your great qualities but they aren't exactly why he loves you. His love for you is drawn irresistibly by something about your very true nature and the totality of the qualities you possess. 

Please share this with your girlfriends so that we can all adhere to the principles and get rid of boyfriend snatching by 2020. May God grant you all the favour to find a good man that will appreciate your qualities, help you harness your hidden talents and keep you forever. Love you all!


#HappiestManInTheWorld

BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY: 10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW

When was the last time you heard something about someone and immediately judged that person? Ever been hasty to accept a sensationalized report or condemnation of someone you know a little or nothing about? A wise man will always verify the source of a story and ensure that he listens to both sides of the story before reaching a conclusion.

Recently, I came across a post by a friend on facebook credited to Dr Mike Murdock. It was one of his inspirational master-piece from twitter. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I was not following him on twitter and was apparently missing out on a lot of good stuff. I immediately rushed to twitter to follow Dr Murdock. Like I always do for anyone I follow, I did a quick scan on his twitter profile and guess what I found. COZA!!! Did I hear you say COZA again? And for those of you wondering what COZA is all about, let me inform you or refresh your memories. 

Late last year, the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA) was dragged into some Shepherd sleeping with watching over their flocks by night drama. I paused for a moment to figure out the connection between Dr Mike Murdock and Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo. All I can tell you for now is that the former went to speak at the latter’s church, in the end a brand new Rolls Royce was exchanged and Murdock promised to include the Pastor’s four children in his will. That’s some strong connection if you ask me but that is a story for another day.

When the 'Eseoghene Walters scandal' broke, I restrained myself from taking any sides on the matter because the other party is still compiling his robust response (It’s better late than never). Big stories are often loaded with controversies and tend to easily polarize people. Just by the way she told the story; she revealed a lot about herself and cast aspersion on her entire experience. 

For a while I pondered on what might be contained in his robust response and how it will change the dynamics of this super story. Though we might hate to admit it, there are always two sides to every story. Big stories are not quite objective, they are often selective. They perceive events subjectively in the first place, paying attention to certain information and ignoring certain others. This is because humans aren’t capable of pure objectivity. People can’t be completely objective when telling stories for several reasons which is why we must endeavour to hear both sides of the story.

THERE IS ALWAYS A BIGGER PICTURE
Get more perspective about the story. The most immediate outcome of hearing both sides of any story is that you get a bigger picture of the story. Since each side highlights and omits certain details, you’re left with more details overall. This helps reconstruct what really happened, or see what’s really was the motive.

UNDERSTANDING WHY THE WINNER IS RIGHT
Now since you are selective in how you hear both sides of the any story, you usually have your mind made up on which side you think is right. Before actually hearing out the other side, study the opposing side without any form of bias.

BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR INNER RIGHT
By doing so you are building a stronger case of why you side the way you do; it builds confidence. You see more clearly how your stance helps you be more honest with yourself, emotionally resilient, and response able. You consciously make a better case for why you believe and act in the ways you do.

UNDERSTANDING WHY THE LOSER IS WRONG
It is important to scope out the opposing side with more resolve. In a basic sense, you can sum up all the weak arguments made by your opposition. This sharpens your ears for similar debates or issues in your daily life and you will be better prepared to respond with confidence because you have already rehearsed your position and why it matters.

BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR INNER WRONG
Here’s where it gets creatively introspective. Once you have sized up the opposition and can see through their feeble arguments, you can turn those criticisms back onto you. Are you repeating any of these destructive or dysfunctional behaviors in your own life? Even if it’s a much smaller scale, it’s necessary to expose these weakness and contradictions, to lead your life more mindfully and effectively, because you can’t be guilty of what your opposition does.

RECOGNIZE WHEN THERE ARE NO VICTORS, ONLY LOSERS
Sometimes a polarized story doesn’t have clear winners and losers, because everyone loses in some major way. It could be that one side makes a good point about why their opposition is wrong — but they become menacing hypocrites in the process. Most of the time when one side violently fights against the other it becomes a shot in the foot. It’s far more productive to fight for something than against.

DECONSTRUCT THE UNDERLYING ISSUE OR CAUSE IN ANALYSING BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY
You can start to see beyond all the sensationalizations and emotionally-loaded claims (like about morality or what God says is Truth). As a result, you can start to see what the real issue is, or rather how to approach it in a more objective manner. The thing about human perception is that people slap on layers and layers of constructs — which describe events in after-the-fact ways. Good and evil are human constructs — they don’t objectively exist “out there.” Good and evil deconstructed might look something like this: good means respecting people’s personal boundaries (unless in defending one’s life or the life of another); evil means disrespecting people’s personal boundaries (unless in defending one’s life or the life of another). It’s much easier to work with good and evil deconstructed because you can actually focus on concrete action rather than abstraction and fuzzy notions of what to do.

HAVE SUPERIOR REASONS TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN VERSION OF THE STORY
It’s healthy to view a story as deconstructed as you can make it. And then to consciously fight for the side or important elements of both sides, in constructive ways that work for you. You certainly won’t get to this point if you sit in your own corner favoring one side over the other and never looking deeper into the dynamics at play.

DEVELOP MORE EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE WHEN PEOPLE TEND TO DISAGREE WITH YOU
The more command you have over the story, the more at peace you will be with your final outcome. Having a robust perspective as well as the benefits from each of the previous reasons makes your own positioning more coherent. And it makes you less or not interested in arguing to prove to yourself that you are right, because you already know that you are. It also makes you less interested in converting others to your own side — because you know they won’t really get it unless they go through what you’ve gone through or at least something close.

BE ABLE TO BETTER EMPATHIZE WITH MORE PEOPLE
As a cumulative result of listening to both sides of any story, you can better understand why people side certain ways on polarizing or controversial issues.

ALWAYS ENDEAVOUR TO UNDERSTAND BOTH SIDES AND STICK TO THE FACTS
Even though there may be two sides to the story, it does not mean that both sides are equally true and valid, particularly if one party has a vested interest in portraying something in a particular way. Don't jump to conclusions or act prematurely on the basis of hearing one side only. Trust is the foundation of all human relationships. It takes years to build trust, seconds to break, and forever to repair. Willingness to listen to both sides does not mean compromise. But sometimes it may be wise to back down and be silent for a while. The world is waiting and people are looking for the truth. We need to hear both sides of the story.


I would love to give credit to www.mindfulconstruct.com for some the insights on this article.

THE AMAZING POWER OF COMPLIMENTS

Last Sunday, I walked up to a friend who I haven’t seen in church for a while to inquire about her whereabouts. She mentioned that her job had become demanding lately, making it difficult for her to attend services. In the course of our brief but warm conversation, she held my hand firmly, and said “I don’t know if anyone has told you this, but you are a very peaceful person. That is something I admire about you”. That instant, I froze but somehow managed to let out my best smile ever. Those kind words worked liked magic and I kept basking in the sensation for the rest of the day.

Never underestimate the power of a compliment. A very little compliment may go a long way in transforming the life of someone. Paying a compliment might appear really easy but its effect can be extremely powerful. They have the ability to turn a miserable day into the best-day ever. One of the most generous things you can do in your life is to give someone else a true and meaningful compliment.

Compliments promise enormous possibilities. It shows respect, admiration, approval, gratitude, trust, appreciation and hope. Some people just do not understand the positive effect of a few kind words. It is the most meaningful gift you can bestow on someone.

The objective of a compliment is to show people that you recognize them and that you are paying attention to what is going on in their lives. It also lets them know that you acknowledge a specific strength or value in them and care about their happiness. Compliments can help a person's sense of confidence and increase their awareness of what they are doing right. The assurance that a compliment confers on the receiver can propel them to greater heights.

Some compliments can be confused with flattery and may appear insincere. And there is an obvious difference between an honest comment and a thoughtless remark aimed at patronizing or falsely elevating someone. So it is important for you to be impeccable with your words and generous with your praise. Make your compliments timely, genuine and heartfelt.

It is very important to be specific to what you are offering the compliment on and most importantly make sure it’s the truth. This will increase the receiver’s self confidence and helps them to focus more on those positive things they were extolled for. It will also help their attitude towards life to be more optimistic and they will become more motivated.

Always ensure that you have a response when you do compliment people and they want to know why. Avoid giving personal compliments to people that you do not have a close relationship with. A true compliment comes from the giver’s heart and impact’s the receiver’s heart.

The art of complimenting people can require great mastery. However, you do not have to be incredibly skilled to do it right. 

You can compliment people in the following ways;

• Their physical attributes or appearance.
• Their character or personality.
• The things that make them insecure.
• The things they possess.
• The things they do.

The golden rule of compliment states that the more you give the more you will receive. It’s a win-win situation. So, I encourage you to make an effort every day to compliment the people in your life and you will be amazed by how great your life will become.

AT WHAT POINT DOES RAPE BECOME FUNNY

I have enormous respect for people who are extremely talented and gifted in what they do. However, it’s not all the time that the product of their talent meets people’s expectations especially when it borders on sensitive issues. I happened to come across what was supposed to be a joke by one of Nigeria’s most talented comedians on social media where he made an attempt to joke about something as delicate as rape.

I would ordinarily not write on issues like this but rape is something that has been heavy on my mind for a long time now and I felt this is the right time to talk. Every day, in this country people (male and female) are being subjected to the atrocious ordeal of rape. And most times it is the people that are closest to them that take advantage of them and leave a wound that would almost never heal. 

What I find particularly interesting about the on-going debate on the appropriateness of the joke on rape by a comedian I respect a lot, is that Nigerians are becoming more unreceptive to certain kinds of garbage all in the name of comedy that we hitherto took for granted. I do not in any slightest way support rape and no right thinking person should and am happy that a lot of good people are raising their voices against it. There is no reason why anyone should laugh about something that destroys another. We trivialize issues such as rape in this part of the world and many lives are being destroyed as a result of this.

Rape is something no human being wants to be subjected to regardless of the circumstance surrounding it as suggested in the so-called joke. I cannot think of anything funny about it and for someone highly regarded to joke about it and some people trying to justify the sense of humour behind it goes to show you how much value we have lost as a society.

Rape can be funny when you probably haven’t had to experience it firsthand either as a victim or know someone who has had to go through the horrendous experience. There is no justification for such a joke ever. I pray God gives us better entertainers who do not subject women to such ridicule all in the name of entertainment. We sincerely have a dearth of thoroughbred celebrities who can become role models to the next generation.

Sex is supposed to be consensual and can never be pleasurable when one party is intensely resisting it. Apparently, the comedian forgot the fact that his rather misguided joke could serve as a catalyst for others who have not thought of raping people they have been taking out to want to do it. He has knowingly or unknowingly given them some kind of a manual to work with. 

So because you are a woman you must understand that whenever a man takes you out, you should feed him with your pride and when you don’t he would take it by force. Maybe his intention was different but the impact of their words are two very different things but you have to be careful the kind of jokes you crack when you know people look up to you and most especially the impression it creates about you and the impact it has at the end of the day.

It’s obvious that anyone who hasn’t been raped or know someone close to them who have been a victim would take it as “one of those jokes”. You cannot blame them much, what do they really know. They would probably never understand the magnitude of what it takes for your pride to be forced out of you. 

I do understand a bit the extent of damage that the victims of rape and child molestation go through. It leaves an indelible mark in the hearts and souls of the victims for a long time and sometimes for life. Nobody deserves to be raped and we should kick against it rather than justify it with silly jokes. We have condoned these kinds of nonsense and I hope this would be an opportunity to begin to make amends.

Like I always tell those who care to listen, there is no problem with this country Nigeria, we are one of the most blessed nations in the world. The problem is with us as a people and the way we think and perceive things. Nigeria will become a better country if we begin to change our mindsets and our perceptions to such sensitive issues. Women are more susceptible to rape but are by no means the only victims of rape. Let us not stop speaking against this evil act and for all those who still find it funny, may you never be a victim. 


RAPE IS NOT FUNNY PLEASE