THE OBSESSION OF PERFECTION

I apologize in advance if this post doesn’t sink properly into your system by the time you are done because it is not perfect.

According to Wikipedia; Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by a person's striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations. It is best conceptualized as a multidimensional characteristic, as psychologists agree that there are many positive and negative aspects. 

In its manipulative form, perfectionism drives people to attempt to achieve an unattainable ideal, and their adaptive perfectionism can sometimes motivate them to reach their goals. In the end, they derive pleasure from doing so. When perfectionists do not reach their goals, they often fall into depression.

Let’s be honest, society’s obsession with perfection has a somewhat damaging consequence on our lives and good judgement. Ever since I can recall, I have always wanted to be the best in everything. For me, it was not enough to score 90% in an exam; I wanted to be top of the class. It was not enough to just be handsome; I wanted to be Mr. Nigeria and eventually Mr. Universe. I simply wanted to be perfect in everything and remain on top of the world. In the same manner, many young people feel very awkward and incomplete if they don’t have those things which are perceived by society to be a must have.

In our society, it’s absolutely normal to listen up when our parents or guardians begins a sentence with ‘You must’, ‘You have to’, ‘you should’ or ‘you better’. I find it rather puzzling. We have been so moulded by society’s strong idea of perfection that it’s now second-nature for it to dictate how we live our lives, what career to choose, how many children we should have, how to treat our partners, our religious preference and so on.

I would like us to look deeper into the implications of our obsession with perfection. The perfect life, job, partner, parents, deal, children, car, house, phone, friend, holiday and it goes on and on. On the surface, the struggle itself may not be a terrible idea, as long as one is not deluded with the concept of perfection and can forgive oneself for falling short of society’s expectations. For instance, every parent wants a well brought-up child but they are so obsessed with shaping the child’s perfect identity that they lose sight of accepting the child’s innocence in his/her imperfections.

Perfectionism in its essence is an extremely dangerous scheme and is an adversary of the Good life. The very idea of perfection is what it is – a concept, a mental impression, a probability, an opinion and a belief. We set such high standards for ourselves (and for others) and we end up thwarting our best interests. There’s nothing wrong with having a passion for excellence unless that determination to maintain the highest possible standard starts working against our own best efforts.

We stigmatize mistakes and make it look like the worst thing that anyone can do. And the problem this causes is that it drives people from their goal and makes them feel that making a mistake is wrong. Many people end up as failures in life because they are pushed too far by the society to attain perfection and they fail to realize that perfection is not attained over a given period of time but throughout a lifetime.

And that is how so many of us try so hard to prove to people around us that we are perfect just to boost our ego. We are so obsessed with being perfect that we are blinded to the strengths in imperfection. I have come to a point where I am comfortable making mistakes and learning from them every day.

When next you meet anyone you think is perfect, ask them if they make mistakes. Ask them if they are really prefect. I can promise you they are not but still you adore them. Like most perfection-possessed individuals have learnt, that perfect life can be a wasted life after all. In the end, the moral of the story is that nobody is perfect. 

#HappiestManInTheWorld