YOU WILL ALWAYS FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL LOVE YOU

You must have at one point or the other in your relationships had misgivings that your partner was minding more than just your business. Well in this age of social media, it’s almost always the case. Many people in committed relationships tend to have pockets of extra relationship affairs scattered all over the place. Well, as long as your partner makes you feel that you are still number one, what’s the big deal with sharing their affection with others, right?

Here is the big deal, when you give your partner an inch they most likely would ask for a yard. That harmless fling with the girl down the road swiftly metamorphoses into a secret steamy affair. And all of a sudden, your number one position is soon under threat. Then your partner stops giving you the usual dose of daily affection and hardly tells you where they are going to or coming from. At this point, you can’t help but worry about the true state of your relationship.

So, what do you do when you find out your other half is warming up to someone else? Would you get all insecure and see yourself as inferior and wished you were as intelligent, wealthy or beautiful as the other person? Do you burst into hot passionate tears and hope that they both drown in your tears? Would you just accept your fate and move on because you believe that what is meant to be will always be? You can come up with a thousand reasons but is there really a satisfactory method to respond to an external threat to your territory?

There was this case of a young lady who had found out that her boyfriend of three years and four months has being conducting a private affair with a seamstress who lives in another part of town. The affair started out when she began sewing uniforms for the company he worked. And the affair gradually evolved as she took it upon herself to ensure he never ran out of nice clothes. 

The young lady in question later got wind of the affair from an inside source in the office and "Operation The Boy Is Mine" was launched. Early one Saturday morning, after the covert lovers have had a Friday night of their lives, the scorned lady shows up unannounced at the front door of their secret hideout. Both women needed no introductions and what followed next can be better summarized as a "Battle for Love" with the seamstress ending up in the hospital.

That was the young lady’s way of defending her terrain. It can be so humiliating to fight over someone who claims to love you. She could have been badly hurt and the man she so desperately wanted to have would eventually settle for another woman. I personally don’t think anyone should descend so low and fight for the love of another. To physically fight a love rival is a totally foolish thing to do.

There is never a guarantee that someone you love is going to love you in return. You cannot force someone to feel what they are not feeling no matter how hard you try. It's not advisable to have someone who loves you through guilt or manipulation. This is because the relationship will never last and you would not want to keep shedding your blood to keep them.

It's very difficult to shower your love on someone and watch it go down the drain. What to do? Count your losses, learn your lessons, wish them the best and move on. 

The most important thing in every relationship is that you love yourself so much to realize when someone is taking you for a ride. Life is too short to keep on watching and praying for the day you will be loved right back. Just keep loving yourself and you will find someone along the way who will love you as much as you love them.

Love is not by fire or by force o. Peace!

DEAR LORD, TEACH ME TO LOVE: THE FERVENT PRAYERS OF A LOVERHOLIC

Dear Lord, we all get a little lost here. The sweetened vulnerability of this love thing is petrifying. There are so many things I do not know about love. So many more I will love to know.

Today, teach me to love not just myself but the one who loves me. Teach me not just to love her in parts of her but in her perfect wholeness.

Teach me to love far beyond her physical and emotional limitations and know that I can love her completely and unconditionally. Let our love know no boundaries or seasons.

Just telling her "I love you" is not enough. Teach me to always go beyond the words. Let those feeble trifles which others see as enjoyment, be nothing to me but broken parts.

Teach me to love, teach me to be like you. Give me your heart that is full of love or I will continuously fail at this journey. Make my heart gentle and my spirit strong.

Teach my heart to love even when selfish desires in layers of lust are masquerading as true love. Help me to pay attention to those little things that matters most.

Bestow me with the honour of understanding the story behind every scar and redemption. Help me to feel her sadness and seek nothing but her greatest joy. Teach me to question her value less and love her for what she’s worth.

Teach me to love her regardless of whatever she does, good or evil. Let me see what she does and not only what she doesn’t. Teach me how to sacrifice for her, listen to her concerns and be sensitive to her needs.

If I ever get tired of loving her, remind me of how unhappy I was all the times I loved selfishly. Reduce me to love to the point where it’s impossible for me to be self-absorbed.

Teach me to take care of her in a way that she hasn’t known before. Teach me to put my hand in hers as we walk softly on this faithful voyage. No matter how long I live, may I never stop loving her.

TODAY, I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE

This morning I came across this priceless email (Originally adapted from "On the Anvil" by Max Lucado) that a friend sent me about three years ago. It’s one of the most compelling pieces I have read and I thought I should share it with you my esteemed friends.  

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. 

I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on, victoriously. No failure is fatal. It's OK to stumble. I will get up. It's OK to fail...I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.

Today I will make a difference. I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.

I will spend time with those I love, my spouse, my children and my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships.

Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. I will spend quality time talking or hugging or thanking or listening to all the beautiful people in my life. Today I will make a difference.

While I was going through this email, I realized that true friends are those who leave lasting legacies in our lives and everything you get from them has so much value. It might just take a while for us to realize so. In my case it took me close to three years to appreciate the value of this email.

As I sat on my desk pondering over what I had just read, I realized that I have made little or no difference in the last three years. In this period of time, I have had lots of ideas, fantasies, dreams, crushes, goals, cravings, relationships that didn't see the light of the day. I frequently underestimated the difference I could make in the lives of others. I have just one life and only one chance to make my life count.

And to those of you reading this, always remember that you are special and if there weren't any need for you in all your uniqueness to be on this earth, you wouldn't be here in the first place. That no matter how overwhelming life's challenges and problems seem to be, that you can make a difference in your immediate environment and in the world.

Today is a good day to start making a difference in the world. There is something left for you and me. I have decided that I will do whatever it takes and you should too and I pray you find the grace to make a difference.


#HappiestManInTheWorld

7 THINGS I LEARNT THE DAY MY HEART CRASHED

It’s being 12 months since our break up and I hope you finally got what you wanted.

I have gone out to the movies and had dinner with a lot of guys, some of whom were more handsome and charming than you are and a few others who were richer and were even willing to spend the rest of their lives with me. I say this only to prove that it isn’t that I can’t find men who are better than you but there was something about you. Every time I go out with them, I tell myself that the most important thing for me now is never to forget that there was you.

I cannot forget the day you said those three words. The three most unemotional words I have ever heard “It is over”. Even though I always braced for impact, those words hit me like an explosion and I thought dear life was over. In one instant my world was turned upside down. That day, I learnt 7 things about love and life that has changed the way I live and love.

1. The first thing I learnt that day as you laid by my side staring into my tears soaked eyes, was that everything can change in one moment. In the morning we had all these dreams we shared and at noon it was obvious they would never come to pass. I was disappointed by the amount of time I wasted on things that did not matter and the things I couldn’t get done because I thought I still had enough time. That day, I learnt never to postpone anything ever again.

2. That day, I realized as I watched you walk out of my bedroom leaving the pieces of my heart in your trail was that you can never really influence anyone’s decision to live their life in a way that seems right. I learnt to always eliminate negative energy from my life as soon as possible and to listen to people’s problems but don’t get too connected with it else they transfer their negative energy to me and go with my positive energy. I learnt not to lose myself trying to save someone else.

3. What also struck me that day as you slammed the door behind me as if my house was on fire was that once it doesn’t crush me, it only makes me stronger. So strong that I can no longer be broken by any force. All of a sudden the heart break was not that devastating, it almost felt like I have been rehearsing for it but it still did hurt. I really loved you and it was sad to watch you walk out of my life. And that sadness made me realize I only wished for one thing, that you would be happy. I learnt that the one thing that mattered in life was deriving joy from the happiness of others.

4. I learnt that day as you hurriedly jumped into the taxi like you were running for your life was that if you must succeed in any relationship, you must learn the fundamental law of appreciation. I learnt to always have a gratitude list and be full of thanks for the people in my life and never to take them for granted. And to try and ensure that the last thing anyone would remember me for is how well they were appreciated for everything they have done in my life, good or bad.

5. As my repeated calls to your phones went unanswered, I learnt to always acknowledge strength in my perceived weakness. I may not be perfect but am doing just fine. I have tried to live a good life and get better with every passing day. I have learnt not to be right all the time and to accept the things I cannot change. I learnt that I cannot move on if I keep regretting what has happened in my past which I cannot change. That I needed to have a greater measure of my soul under my own influence and never hold onto something that does not come from my heart.

6. I learnt that understanding is much deeper than knowledge. People know a lot of things that they do not necessarily understand. People don’t understand the importance of those little things you do for them until you stop doing them. A lot of relationships are built on emotions and without understanding they will eventually collapse.

7. Lastly, I came to understand that all men are not the same. You left the sweetest taste in my mouth but then good things don’t last forever. I learnt that it’s not enough to keep searching for the best of men but to be the greatest woman ever.

I am now a happy woman and I hope you are too.