I have gone out to the movies and had dinner with a lot of guys, some of whom were more handsome and charming than you are and a few others who were richer and were even willing to spend the rest of their lives with me. I say this only to prove that it isn’t that I can’t find men who are better than you but there was something about you. Every time I go out with them, I tell myself that the most important thing for me now is never to forget that there was you.
I cannot forget the day you said those three words. The three most unemotional words I have ever heard “It is over”. Even though I always braced for impact, those words hit me like an explosion and I thought dear life was over. In one instant my world was turned upside down. That day, I learnt 7 things about love and life that has changed the way I live and love.
1. The first thing I learnt that day as you laid by my side staring into my tears soaked eyes, was that everything can change in one moment. In the morning we had all these dreams we shared and at noon it was obvious they would never come to pass. I was disappointed by the amount of time I wasted on things that did not matter and the things I couldn’t get done because I thought I still had enough time. That day, I learnt never to postpone anything ever again.
2. That day, I realized as I watched you walk out of my bedroom leaving the pieces of my heart in your trail was that you can never really influence anyone’s decision to live their life in a way that seems right. I learnt to always eliminate negative energy from my life as soon as possible and to listen to people’s problems but don’t get too connected with it else they transfer their negative energy to me and go with my positive energy. I learnt not to lose myself trying to save someone else.
3. What also struck me that day as you slammed the door behind me as if my house was on fire was that once it doesn’t crush me, it only makes me stronger. So strong that I can no longer be broken by any force. All of a sudden the heart break was not that devastating, it almost felt like I have been rehearsing for it but it still did hurt. I really loved you and it was sad to watch you walk out of my life. And that sadness made me realize I only wished for one thing, that you would be happy. I learnt that the one thing that mattered in life was deriving joy from the happiness of others.
4. I learnt that day as you hurriedly jumped into the taxi like you were running for your life was that if you must succeed in any relationship, you must learn the fundamental law of appreciation. I learnt to always have a gratitude list and be full of thanks for the people in my life and never to take them for granted. And to try and ensure that the last thing anyone would remember me for is how well they were appreciated for everything they have done in my life, good or bad.
5. As my repeated calls to your phones went unanswered, I learnt to always acknowledge strength in my perceived weakness. I may not be perfect but am doing just fine. I have tried to live a good life and get better with every passing day. I have learnt not to be right all the time and to accept the things I cannot change. I learnt that I cannot move on if I keep regretting what has happened in my past which I cannot change. That I needed to have a greater measure of my soul under my own influence and never hold onto something that does not come from my heart.
6. I learnt that understanding is much deeper than knowledge. People know a lot of things that they do not necessarily understand. People don’t understand the importance of those little things you do for them until you stop doing them. A lot of relationships are built on emotions and without understanding they will eventually collapse.
7. Lastly, I came to understand that all men are not the same. You left the sweetest taste in my mouth but then good things don’t last forever. I learnt that it’s not enough to keep searching for the best of men but to be the greatest woman ever.
I am now a happy woman and I hope you are too.
4 comments:
I can relate to so much of what you have written. I sincerely hope you find someone who will stand by you.
My relationship of 19 months just came crashing one Sunday evening last month and I found it hard to move on. Thanks for sharing this piece.
Heartbreaks and divorce are now the order of the day. I believe it is because we place little emphasis on the foundation of our relationships. We need to start getting it right or continue to suffer the consequences of our neglect.
(People don’t understand the importance of those little things you do for them until you stop doing them.)
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