THE LOVERHOLIC X-RAYS: RELATIONSHIP APPRAISALS

How do you determine if you are fulfilled in a relationship? Do you even evaluate your relationship, or you just let it flow? What standards do you consider when evaluating your relationship? Are you living in denial of the true state of your relationship? How do you decide when to stay or when to move on? Are you wasting your relationship by being in a relationship? These questions may sound a bit too serious but studies show that couples who conduct a regular appraisal of their relationship are far more fulfilled.

Last week I went to see a very good friend of mine. Our previous meeting had being on Valentine’s Day this year and it was quite memorable. She is one of the few women who hold a special place in my heart. And one of the few people who would look me in the eyes and tell me the truth, even when it hurts. Something the loverholic cherishes in his women and in people overall. She is also very caring, intelligent, devoted and full of humour; all being qualities the loverholic admires greatly.

She belonged to the hollandis category of wife material, and by a lot of yards. This is a fact she always takes into account in her relationships. Which is why she became uneasy when she perceived I was taking our relationship for granted. Things have been going up and down lately and she wanted us to meet and appraise the relationship. To be honest, this was the first time I would hear of a relationship appraisal. I was quite familiar with performance appraisals at work but not in relationships.

JESSICA EDIONWELE: KIDNAPPED WITH LOVE

A few days ago a story emerged of a young lady, simply known as Jessica Edionwele, who was declared missing by her family. It turned out she was the daughter of Hon. Joseph Edionwele, representing the good people of Esan Constituency, Edo State at the National Assembly. She was reported to have left Ibadan, for Lagos to board an aircraft to Abuja. A corps member serving in Oyo state, she was said to have landed in Abuja safely but took an airport taxi that disappeared into thin air.

After waiting for their daughter to come back home safely, the family was thrown into pandemonium by nightfall as Jessica was nowhere to be found. So they declared her missing and the search was on for ‘Nigeria’s Sweetheart’. Nigerians all over the world joined her family and friends in fervent prayers for her safe return. Social and mainstream media went agog with the story and her case became a national prayer point.

A FRIEND IN NEED OR A FRIEND INDEED

Every day comes with new opportunities, new challenges, new inspiration and new friends. With the advent of social media, it has become increasingly inevitable to become companionless. 

Every day we meet someone new either via Blackberry Messenger, Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter or Linkedin. Certain folks would add Instagram, Wechat, Facetime, 2go and Badoo to their connection paths. And when you add the female element to mix, it leaves you overwhelmed.

The intriguing part of friendship is that you might not be able to tell the motive of your new acquaintance or the impact they would have in your life. Some friendships are premeditated, others are accidental. Some will aim to improve you while others will come to run you down. 

Some friends are just there for the enjoyment, others will be there even at the most difficult periods. Some will leave you with lasting memories and others leave you with lasting scars. Some would end up as enemies while others will be end up as families.

FORTY FIVE SHADES OF INSPIRATION

There is nothing like a Monday morning. You wake up feeling so charged up with positive vibrations and renewed expectation that all you had hoped for the previous week will come to fruition. Deep down you know it's not going to be an easy week, because you will be faced with numerous circumstances that drain your energy. So here is some Monday morning inspiration that hopefully will keep you going in the face of whatever life throws at you this week.

1. Take kindness with you everywhere you go and deposit it at every stop you make. Don’t expect to get it back. 

2. If you expect people to be kind to you because you are kind to them, you are like the man who expects the lion not to eat him because he doesn’t eat lions. 

3. Appreciate those who love you. Help those who need you. Forgive those who hurt you. Forget those who leave you. 

4. Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve some peace of mind. 

5. Love people for whom they are and not for what you can get from them. We all need someone that will love us just the way we are. 

A PENNY IS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOUR THOUGHTS

I was absorbed in my thoughts and I hadn’t noticed we passed my Bus Stop. My mind was preoccupied with so many thoughts and I didn’t realize where I was until the bus conductor yelled “Oga! Na the last bus stop be this, abi you no know where you dey go?” That instant I realized that my thoughts have carried so far away from my destination. Thoughts can sometimes be very powerful, which is why people are prepared to give you a penny for your thoughts?

The consequence of this is that people are willing to part with something in order to know what we are thinking because it is of some value to them. Therefore, if our opinion is so valuable, then why don’t we just put our own price tag on it? Even Facebook will ask you what’s on your mind. If it is not important to them, am sure they won’t bother to find out.

MARRIAGE IN THE FUTURE: WHAT WE ALLOW IS WHAT WILL CONTINUE

The United States of America Supreme Court recently passed the same sex marriage legislation into law with considerable excitement around the world. There is also an ongoing appeal to the rest of the world ‎including Nigeria to acknowledge the rights of people of same sex to be together forever. 

Marriage by its original definition is the legal, emotional, and sexual act of commitment between two beings. These days, there is a dramatic shift in the definition of marriage as all the boundaries and values around it have been challenged and struck down at their very root. We are gradually witnessing a revolution that has never been experienced before and marriage is becoming an institution where anything is possible.

If we examine the patterns of marriage in the last 50 years, we would note profound alterations and there is growing expectation that these changes will become more dramatic in the next 50 years. The institution of marriage will continue to be diluted and the bond between matrimony, sex and family will further be depleted as the years go by.

MUHAMMADU BUHARI & FRIENDS NIGERIA LIMITED

Over the weekend, I went for a business presentation with my boss to the management of a steel manufacturing company. As the meeting commenced, I noticed we were the only Nigerians in the room. All the top management of the company were Indians and it got me thinking about Nigeria and the situation with the lingering political appointments.

For a company that has done business in Nigeria since the late 1960s, why is there not even a single Nigerian on their top management. The answer however was not far-fetched. Most successful businesses in Nigeria are run by people with a common understanding, commitment and trust. Take a critical look at the longest surviving business empires in Nigeria, and you will understand this better.

Trust is something that comes by default when someone is considered as family. Like the Ibos will say 'you can't kill someone that you would also have to bury’. That clearly defines the power that trust possesses. Talking about the Ibos, they have a tradition of running businesses along family lines just like the Indians or Japanese. Their businesses always have the appendage “and Sons” depicting the reliance on family interest for its survival. If you take a close look at some businesses owned by Ibo men that went under, you will discover that they were taken over by apprentices who ended up embezzling and eloping with their benefactor’s funds. That in itself can be likened to the microcosm of corruption that has largely eroded the Nigerian space. 

AS YOU GROW OLDER: A PSALM OF LIFE

As you grow older, you begin to understand that although maturity does not come with age, it does come with life experiences, which you gain as the years go by.

As you grow older you realize that what you look like becomes less significant and what you are becomes more important. You will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.

As you grow older, you realize that even the person you love the most will probably let you down. You will blame a new love for things an old one did. You will have your heart broken a few times and it gets harder every other time. You will break hearts too, so remember how it felt when your own heart was broken. You will cry because time is passing too fast but always love like you have never been hurt.

AN OPEN LETTER TO MYSELF

Dear Me,

I am writing this letter to you because my life begins and ends with you. If I don’t take care of you, then I will not be strong enough to take care of anything else.

Stop feeling worried about what people say or think of you. I have been too hard on you and I think it’s time to let your light shine and stop standing on the way. This is the last time you will put the burden of people’s expectation on your shoulder.

You let people take advantage of you repeatedly and tried too hard to justify your actions all in the hope that they will accept you but I lost you more in the process. You took your eyes off your dream just to fit into the expectations of others and trusted yourself less.

THE LOVERHOLIC X-RAYS: AND SHE DIED FIGHTING FOR LOVE

They were the last couple you can ever imagine would end up like this. They appeared to be so much in love with each other, even though a few of their friends expressed some reservations about their seemingly fairy-tale relationship. She was quick to remind them that there was no perfect man out there, and all they could do was wish them all the best.

Some months down the road, she gradually went out of circulation. She was a workaholic, so everyone concluded that her job had become very demanding. Soon, there were rumours that she was seen at work with a black eye. That she even spent a few days in the hospital with a broken collar bone. Her friends feared the worse but she kept saying she was alright. She sacrificed her relationship with family and friends just to make things work. 

She kept a sealed lip and was dying in silence because she believed they could reconcile their differences amicably. She bottled it all up, cried herself to sleep and put up a smiling face the next morning. She was trapped between telling the world the pains she was going through and saving her life. In violence women forget their true self. He swore that he wouldn’t do it again and she believed him. But it only got worse after that.