TRIBUTE: THE ANGELS OF CHIBOK

Today marks 100 days since innocent school girls were violently abducted from their school in Chibok, Borno State. Some Nigerians still believe it was a hoax and others are blaming the government for inaction. Well, to every man the right to believe what he wants.

So, here is a poem I wrote for the occasion. The intention is simply to capture the feelings of these innocent school girls who are going through possibly the darkest days of their lives.   

Life is not always the easiest thing to get through

Especially when you are trapped in a dungeon like me

I was only sixteen and I was so innocent

It was the darkest day of my life

They took the entire colour out of my world

It felt like I was dreaming

Then it suddenly turned into a nightmare

Nothing felt real and it scared me

I was too tired to try to run away

They would bring me back

But why am I still here?

I have lost count of the days

And no one has come to look for me

I don’t know if anyone even cares

I might just be here for the rest of my life

All I want to do now is cry my heart out

But there are no more tears left to cry

I remember my mother everyday

She is a strong woman but this will be too much for her

I don’t want my father to see me like this

Because the sad memory will never leave him

I was their only hope

Now they have lost everything

I am frozen in fear, can barely move my body

They are standing over me again tonight

It was the same yesterday, and the day before

They take me however and whenever

Like I am not even human anymore

And they wouldn’t stop until I fainted

There is so much hurt inside

No, wait, I mean Inside inside

Coming from within my thighs

It’s constant, until my blood soaks my dress

My legs are numb and I can barely walk

It’s like my humanity is tainted

I feel horribly messed up

That overwhelming feeling of worthlessness

Am not worthy of any man now

I am not worth anything anymore

My head, my stomach, my body, everything hurts

There is no happiness, no enjoyment, nothing at all

I have been put through unimaginable things

You name it, I have suffered it all

When would this end?

Nothing gives me pleasure anymore

Such a feeling of insignificance and dirtiness

The feelings surge with persistent power

How will I live with this horrendous nightmare?

When I lay down at night I can’t sleep

Am thinking of how terrible the next day will be

The only guarantee is that I will suffer again and again

Until the day my heart stops beating, hopefully

There is no day since I got here that I have not wanted to die

I keep waking up every morning and I don’t know why

I have begged, pleaded and yelled at God to take me

Why can’t I just die in my sleep?

I have almost lost the will to live

It’s as if nothing I could ever do would bring me joy

Nothing matters, everything hurts, especially the darkness

But I am too afraid to take my own life

At least that’s how I feel at the moment

Although my mind tells me otherwise 

I didn’t choose this kind of life

Am just an unfortunate victim

It could have been anyone

All I wanted was a better life

Something my parents never had

Now my pleasant dreams are fading away

I thought I always know how things would be

How things would all turn out for me

I have always had high hopes

But this feeling of hopelessness is unrelenting

They have taken away almost everything

The creator is all I have now

I have given him all that is left of me

At least, then I will die for something

Please #BringBackOurGirls alive and now

THE 'RUNS GIRL' WHO STOLE MY HEART (PART THREE)

 

 

If I was an empty vessel, Atinuke knew how to fill me completely. I have become so used to her that her absence in my life was driving me horrendously crazy. My emotions have been so built around her to the point that it was almost indestructible. My friends say I have been talking in my sleep about how I miss her. I believe them because; she was the last thing on mind every night before I go to sleep.

The thought of her being with another man because I have refused any form of explanation from her made me both jealous and depressed. I should have at least given her a chance to tell her own part of the story. Most 'Runs Girls' don't even enjoy sleeping around; they are sometimes plagued by circumstance or sometimes out of necessity.

There was little or no doubt in my mind that she felt something special for me out of all her body counts. We were like soul mates or even something closer than that. Our chemistry was unbelievable and she was like my dream come true. She was my strength and my weakness all rolled into one.

I had made up my mind to talk to her or even find her if the need arises. Maybe she would have enough respect for what we shared to quit her promiscuous behavior. More so, I was falling in love with her and there was very little I could do about it. I have to follow my heart wherever it leads.

I had to tell my close friends what I was going through. They were wary of my growing feelings for Atinuke because it was gathering momentum each day.

'Runs Girls' also have a heart and they have love in them, sometimes they do this because of the situation they find themselves in. Most times there is no choice for them" I tried to explain to my friends.

“These girls know how to play with a man’s emotions. Don't get it twisted, she was only being good at her job” Bolaji countered. “And she could just be after the money like any other girl. As long as the money is flowing she will be beside you but when the money is gone, she might be forced to go back to her Aristos”. Bolaji himself has had a lot of experience with all sorts of women and he was the perfect guy to run to in a time like this.

“Are u guys saying a 'Runs Girl' is not capable of loving and being loyal to a man? Just because she's a 'Runs Girl' doesn't mean she can't fall in love and be faithful” I countered.

"What love means to her may be different to what it means to you" Charles buttressed, almost in anger.

"But they are like most of us who are trapped in a job that we don’t love but have to keep doing until something better comes along the way" I tried to insist but they seemed not to be buying in.

"Look! You can fall in love with anyone you want but don't mix pity with love” Charles warned. He always tried the father figure in the group. I would listen to him anytime. “However, it’s very difficult because once she starts selling her body, it makes it more difficult to be satisfied in a committed relationship” He continued in his deep voice.

 “Look, she might promise you that she would give up her promiscuous lifestyle to settle for you but until she completely gives it up you must protect your emotions from her manipulation” Bolaji waded in as if he has had enough of my presumed childishness. He continued "Everyone has a chance to turn their lives around and there is no perfect woman out there. She would most likely stop as long as you support her and possibly her family too. If you are willing to make that commitment, then go ahead".

 Despite all the advice from my friends, I couldn't think of anything else because I was gradually getting obsessed with her. I felt a sense of loss even though I never had her in the first place.

There was something about her that I had never seen in any woman before her. There was more to her personality than the mere fact that she traded her body for money. I was losing my mind and I wasn't sure how long I was going to be able to stand. Could it be that I was under a spell or something?



(To be continued)

THE 'RUNS GIRL' WHO STOLE MY HEART (PART TWO)

 

It was the last Friday of the month, so I decided to go out with the boys to Karaoke. Not long after we got there, one of my colleagues asked to use my phone to call a female guest he was expecting that evening. He explained that her number wasn’t connecting on his phone and since I used the same network, he wanted to see if he can get through with mine. I obliged and merely urged him not to spend too much time on the phone as I have plans to call my girlfriend later that night. 

To our uttermost surprise, it turned out that the number he was calling was that of my supposed girlfriend Atinuke, which was already saved on my phone contacts as Honey Boo. I was not sure between me and my colleague who was in more shock. I enquired from my apparently bemused buddy, if he was related to Atinuke and perhaps the purpose of her visit was family connection. I couldn’t think of any other reason why he would have the number of my girlfriend who I was yet to introduce to him but the look on his face said it all.

Atinuke was not the girl I thought I knew; she was actually a Runs Girl. The kinds that will make your girlfriend or wife look like a learner. How could I not have known or even suspected? Her almost perfect demeanour denied me of every sense of reasoning and I acted as if my mind was no longer my own. I was now one of her prisoners and she held the key to my poor heart.

For the next couple of minutes I went numb with tremor. A million thoughts were flying through my already clouded mind. I felt sick to my bone marrow at the thought of how many men have shared my Atinuke with me.  It was painful, both mentally and materially. Everyone thought she was the one for me but little did I know that she so loved the world so much that she has given away everything I cherished.

I spent most of that weekend bedridden; convinced that the best way to get over my disappointment was by being somber. I couldn’t stay in my house because every corner I turned was laden with memories of my ‘sinful weekend’ with Atinuke. Surprisingly, she never called or tried to reach me again. She must have figured out that she has been busted and quietly disappeared on me.   

At work on Monday, Atinuke was the topic of discussion amongst the boys at lunch. I was to find out that she also got to contact my colleague Christopher on facebook but with a completely different identity. He knew her as Oyindamola, a Youth Corp member who was serving in Bayelsa State with the Ministry of Power. Christopher was in a worse situation than me; he was already in love with her and had even bought her an 18K Solitaire diamond engagement ring. That was the Atinuke-Effect for you, she is a hooker.

After weeks of non-stop infatuation, everything started to add up. I discovered that women like her are too good to be true. Apparently, she was always on the prowl for young and descent looking middle class men whom she manipulated to her advantage. She knew how to get into any man’s head and she did that for a living. You can never have enough of her and she keeps you coming back for more. Simply put, Atinuke is to her victims what oxygen is to humans.

But many months passed and I couldn’t get Atinuke off my mind. Somehow, my life was never the same without Atinuke. There was no greater or sweeter love than the one Atinuke had given me and my life was incomplete without her.

 

(To be continued)

THE 'RUNS GIRL' WHO STOLE MY HEART (PART ONE)

Early last year, I got a message on facebook from a young girl named Atinuke, a 300 level student of the University of Calabar. Unlike other random advances I get on social media, she was surprisingly witty and had this graceful way of communicating that was very patronizing. She was so beautiful that I was at a loss as to why she would be interested in me.

We quickly exchanged Blackberry pins and chatted late into the night. I was impressed at the appeal of such a young girl but puzzled by the intensity of the entire conversation. The frequent chats were replaced by lengthy phone conversations. Then suddenly, the gear shifted and our conversations became more passionate. She would tell tales of how she couldn’t stop thinking about me and wanted to visit me in Lagos.

It was a bit absurd by my traditional standards for someone I barely knew to be so enchanted. But I was comforted by the fact that my boyish charm was still yielding dividends at its prime. She was very charming too, so why not? With the intensity of our conversation, it was almost impossible to stay apart for too long. My spirit and body were willing but my pocket was weak. So I asked her to come at the end of the month. From my little experience, beautiful women are not pocket-friendly.

On her first night in Lagos, I took her to a house party hosted by a childhood friend of mine in Lekki. The moment we walked in, Atinuke lit up the room and everyone knew there was a star in the building. She had the swagger of a cheetah and her every move was greeted with reverence. I was completely out of my comfort zone and was clearly smitten. It was absolutely electrifying and I felt instantly motivated.

The next morning, I found her sitting unclothed at the edge of my bed with eyes fixed on me like I was a prey. My initial fright was soon replaced by a burning passion, never in my life have I seen a woman so wonderfully made. She crawled up slowly to me and I immediately knew it was time for war. Her sexual maturity was thrice her age and she knew how to get a man to dance to her tune. She seemed very relaxed and in perfect control of the situation.

After what seemed like eternity, she stood up and walked to the kitchen leaving my breathless body in her trail. And before I could come to terms with what had just transpired, she served me a sumptuous breakfast in bed. For a moment, it was difficult to imagine how a woman can have so much mastery in the bedroom and the kitchen at such a young age. This was beyond my wildest dream. 

However, she was not all about the bedroom and the kitchen and fashion; she was also very passionate about the things of God. That Sunday morning, I was woken up by an already dressed Atinuke who as usual had put my bath water and brought out the cloth she wanted me to wear to church. I was purely amazed! 

Throughout the church service, it was hard to tell that it was the same girl who had taught me the lesson of my life in the bedroom. She sang away like an angel and even prayed harder than a warrior. As you can envisage, my weekend was passion-soaked and I had the time of my life.  

Atinuke went back to Calabar the next day but she never stopped showering me with love for a moment. Straightaway, I assumed there was a future for the both of us. No woman has ever shown me the kind of love I was getting from Atinuke. Her birthday was coming up in a few months and I was already nursing the idea of proposing to her that day.

Most of my friends who saw her when she visited were already asking about the new Iyawo and how it was finally time for me to settle down. They felt I have waited for too long and that I was still lucky that God has blessed me with a woman like Atinuke.

I knew I wasn’t in love with her and I wasn’t sure what she was in love with me either but everything felt so good; at least for the time being. I knew that marrying her was going to be a huge gamble but a woman like that was worth every risk. Well, I did like Atinuke a lot but the truth was that I barely knew her. What if she was Mami Water or was pretending at best?

I was completely blown away by her total expression of commitment towards me. Atinuke was in my thinking a million yards of wife material, enough to sew for ten thousand men. I was a lucky man no doubt.

My dear mother was soon to catch the Atinuke-mania. From the moment she heard her voice over the phone, she fell completely for her charm. Atinuke was simply a Super Woman and leaves everyone she comes across at the mercy of her elegance, until one breezy Friday evening in February.

(To be continued)