Falling in love is a gradual process where you move from being attracted to someone to having a sense of fulfillment. To fall in love, a person must move from a position of independence to interdependence or sometimes dependence.
Interdependence is when you two people are emotionally,
economically or morally responsible to each other. Dependence is however, when
one party relies on the other to exist and can’t function properly without
them. So why do people fall in and out of love? Okay, let me tell you the story behind today’s Loverholic X-rays before I forget.
Once upon a time, I fell in love with a young lady on social media. We started our virtual romance and it inevitably graduated into real life. It was only the second time I recall being genuinely in love with a woman. If there was one man that always stands in love, it was I. and the ‘bae’ was in love too; at least it appeared so to the ordinary eyes.
Our first date was simply memorable. I remember it like yesterday. From the moment she walked into the room, I knew there was something special about this female. When a woman is meant for you, nothing else can stand in the way. Not even when she lets you see parts of her that doesn’t seem too appealing.
Even God knew she took my heart home with her that very day. Finally, I was in love again after about seven years but I had no idea how I would go about it. The last time I was in a similar situation, I made a mess of it. So, there was an extra motivation to impress myself this time around.
I would sing her love songs, write her romantic poems, buy her lovely gifts and speak with her endlessly. It seemed like the moment I stopped doing either of them, I would be falling short of my self-expectation. Something I considered a shame owing to the manner at which I completely gave up myself to this venture. It seemed there was nothing of my life before her as she had completely taken over me. I practically lived everyday for her and she became my everything.
Six months later, our relationship ended. I was clearly distraught but a bit relieved that at least I could have a break. At least I knew I gave this love my best. She was like nobody else in the world and whenever am with her I feel like am cut into two. One half going crazy and the other half peaceful and happy that she is always there for me. And I think that was the problem, I concluded that she would certainly be there and hence there was no reason to keep doing my best. As my commitment towards her reduced, so did her connection to me. Within a short period, everything fell apart.
Falling out of love is so much a process as falling in
love. Then you move from a feeling of interdependence to independence. This
cycle begins when one or both partners stop meeting the needs for which the
other relied on them for. This when the feelings of selfishness overwhelms them
and they begin to pursue objectives that would benefit just them. Then the
feelings of love will diminish, the passion will disappear and the commitment
will be withdrawn.
When you keep moving from interdependence to dependence,
it’s a sign that your relationship is in serious trouble. You are no longer
uncomfortable with not calling her, buying her gifts or going out on dates with
her. Sometimes we do this because there is someone or something else taking our
attention or probably because we have become too concerned about ourselves. As I write this, the young lady I talked about earlier is
by my side and we have been back together for about two weeks now.
Lots of couples keep falling in and out of love, following the same pattern I discussed here. At the end of the day, it’s left for us to decide to either stay in love or stay out of love. For those who want to remain in love, I will advise that you both focus on making each other happy rather than playing the blame game. Learn to resolve your issues amicably and always remember why you fell in love in the first place.
#HappiestManInTheWorld
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